I can't make you care about yourself on your own, V.
[She wishes it wasn't even something she had to consider.]
But, that feeling you have right now? That dread, that helplessness, at the thought of me hurting myself? That's what happens to me, every time you grind yourself down.
[ He gets up to come over to her side of the table, kneeling down next to her chair. ]
You want me to care about myself, and I want you to be at ease with yourself.
[ Something that also can't be forced. ]
Listen. I know it's been too much, but not everything I do wears me down without reward. I like the tutoring, I like reading to the children, and there are people I see and talk to with no other agenda aside from their company. We're both still learning everything that everyone else takes for granted. Don't lose faith so soon, we've still only just started.
...every time I lost somebody in that place, it was—right in front of me. It was cruel but—I didn't realize how scary it was, to have that happen somewhere I wasn't looking.
[The words come out halting, fumbling, as if she's unsure about the shape they're taking. She doesn't know if she's making herself clear.
She leans into his hand, with a soft, shuddering sigh.]
Something ate part of you, and I could have just... slept through it, if it had eaten too much, V. What do I do with that?
[It had sounded so easy, rattling off the options to Griffon, in bed.
But, Griffon's affable agreement that night had probably sprouted in part from the fact that everyone in this house knew she probably wouldn't have the heart to actually go through with it. Even if her body bore the cost, V would still be hurt, after all.
Hurting him is the opposite of what she wants.]
I don't what to do, V. But I'm—I'm supposed to. That's our thing.
[ Constantin's words come back to him I would surely come apart at the seams from the effort, much as I would endeavor to carry us both. I'm afraid you will have to help. ]
[ He gives the curve of her ear one last encouraging press as he stands up, he sits back on the table just in case she's not ready for him to go but it's at least a relief to his knees. ]
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[She wishes it wasn't even something she had to consider.]
But, that feeling you have right now? That dread, that helplessness, at the thought of me hurting myself? That's what happens to me, every time you grind yourself down.
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[ That's a statement all its own, it has a stern note. ]
Are you this afraid of being alone, Hakuno?
[ But the followup is softer. ]
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[So, yes.]
Please, do not be on that list. Please.
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You want me to care about myself, and I want you to be at ease with yourself.
[ Something that also can't be forced. ]
Listen. I know it's been too much, but not everything I do wears me down without reward. I like the tutoring, I like reading to the children, and there are people I see and talk to with no other agenda aside from their company. We're both still learning everything that everyone else takes for granted. Don't lose faith so soon, we've still only just started.
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...I'm scared I won't get to say goodbye to you either, V.
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Why? Won't I already know everything you'd want to tell me?
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[The words come out halting, fumbling, as if she's unsure about the shape they're taking. She doesn't know if she's making herself clear.
She leans into his hand, with a soft, shuddering sigh.]
Something ate part of you, and I could have just... slept through it, if it had eaten too much, V. What do I do with that?
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[ He sounds surprised, but he also doesn't pursue it past that. What kind of creature isn't really the point. ]
I'm not too proud to run away from a monster I can't handle.
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[They both know when to cut and run, really.]
Can't I at least protect you from you? ...shouldn't I, if I can?
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[ Being manipulated. ]
You know me.
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[It had sounded so easy, rattling off the options to Griffon, in bed.
But, Griffon's affable agreement that night had probably sprouted in part from the fact that everyone in this house knew she probably wouldn't have the heart to actually go through with it. Even if her body bore the cost, V would still be hurt, after all.
Hurting him is the opposite of what she wants.]
I don't what to do, V. But I'm—I'm supposed to. That's our thing.
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[ Constantin's words come back to him I would surely come apart at the seams from the effort, much as I would endeavor to carry us both. I'm afraid you will have to help. ]
It's been too one-sided, I'm sorry.
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[Her shoulders slump, slightly.]
I've relied on so many people to get this far... I wanted to be reliable for you, too.
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[ He wants to be reliable too. ]
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[Finally, she peeks up.]
You really mean it, this time?
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It's not going to be... perfect.
[ Because they are broken and dangerous in a world that wants to challenge them. ]
Ever.
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[She leans into his hand again, but doesn't avert her gaze.]
But, we're too stubborn to give up once we set a goal, either. Right?
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[ He gives the curve of her ear one last encouraging press as he stands up, he sits back on the table just in case she's not ready for him to go but it's at least a relief to his knees. ]
How are we tracking reliability?
[ Is this going to involve stickers. ]
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[She's only half joking.]
We could get Griffon a little referee vest and a whistle. ...no, maybe not the whistle. He might go mad with power.
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How do you score points?
[ Is he competitive? He supposes they'll find out together. ]
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Maybe... every time the other person says thank you, you get a point?
[She's less than half joking, now, as she digs back into her breakfast and ruminates over that.]
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[ Effusive with them when they apply, or was there now a criteria for the magic words. ]