No. At least, I don't think so. I find the idea of replacing things—well, people and places—really, really sad. I feel like... it would be cruel, to the place and people that I've survived. It's why I was so crushed to... To find out about Saber.
[Hakuno flops onto her side as her fingers move to touch a necklace that isn't there, meeting his gaze even if her own seems to be looking through him, locked on some obviously discomfiting memory. She's shivering, though he'd only be able to notice this close up. She certainly hasn't yet.]
Losing my 'self'... It was pleasant the first time, on the surface. An idyllic school life where we were all friends, looped again and again until... until I realized things were wrong. And then I jumped off the roof and met you, before waking up. The second time... we were separated, and I was terrified. She put me in... something like a box. I had to crawl and crawl, even if it was endless. Even as my senses faded one by one, and my identity went numb. Even when I knew nothing, and found nothing, I had to keep moving. If Julius hadn't come saved me...
[A hard shudder ripples through her.]
I don't want to believe there's any benefit to losing any part of yourself. But maybe I'm biased, since I'm so much newer than you. I have less to lose. ...but, no matter what, you're always yourself, right? You might not be able to forget something, but you can reorder your priorities however you please. That's just my opinion, though.
That's right. Your identity is precious to you, is it not? Every piece, every person, every memory.
[So asking her to forget was like asking to erase what little she already had. Certainly it made sense for her to answer that way. Frankly, for all the danger she put herself in, and for how troublesome she could be, she possessed a remarkably straightforward system of logic. He almost envied her, that she could answer so clearly and without hesitation.
But isn't that how he should be, too? It's true. He has no reason to doubt himself. Apparently even beings who can't forget needed reminders on occasion.]
Do not worry, Hakuno. I will not let you lose anything more.
[He reaches forward, for her face...]
Except your clothes. Those you could stand to lose more frequently.
She doesn't say it, of course. He doesn't need to know that if her talk with him had backfired, Rin would have written Hakuno off with him. The matter is settled, and her confidence paid off. That's the only thing that really matters now. They have weathered that storm, so she just needs to focus on preparing for the next one, whatever shape it might take. He's an unpredictable man, yes, but his capriciousness comes with an edge she always needs to be on the lookout for.
Not for her own sake, naturally, because she still has the protection of his promise. But for the sake of whoever might be in the resulting blast zone.]
[It wouldn't matter even if she did. While Gilgamesh has recognized his own involvement in the situation, it only goes so far. He still hasn't apologized, and likely won't. He still doesn't acknowledge that he was almost entirely at fault, instead doing as the women around him wished. And he still doesn't care about the repercussions of actions outside of himself. Gilgamesh would be Gilgamesh to the very end, and that is something she simply must accept as a former Master.
But Gilgamesh appears the pinnacle of gentleness before her now. He takes loose hold of her collar and drags them both together and under the covers. He's naked and she's underdressed but somehow there's nothing inappropriate about it. He just embraces her, as a man embraces his woman.]
Rest, child. The world and all its wonders shall await you tomorrow.
[And at last, he could fulfill a different promise, to remain at her side as she slept.]
[Yes, those are core facts that Hakuno can't make herself forget, even wrapped up as gently as she is now. There s a reason she had promised to resolve the issue and leave Gilgamesh with a lasting impression, rather than remorseful. Changing Gilgamesh's mind—fully, at least—is like trying to reroute a raging river with a twig. No matter how mellow he might seem to have gotten here, it's little more than wrapping a razorblades in cotton. It's fine to be a little careless, but getting hurt is never entirely out of the question.
She doesn't fight his literal manhandling, all the same, and even nestles a bit closer to maximize her comfort. He's held her like this once before, but in the body of a woman—it's different, being held like this. Not in a bad way, or uncomfortably so, though, so she resolves to think on it later.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[Hakuno flops onto her side as her fingers move to touch a necklace that isn't there, meeting his gaze even if her own seems to be looking through him, locked on some obviously discomfiting memory. She's shivering, though he'd only be able to notice this close up. She certainly hasn't yet.]
Losing my 'self'... It was pleasant the first time, on the surface. An idyllic school life where we were all friends, looped again and again until... until I realized things were wrong. And then I jumped off the roof and met you, before waking up. The second time... we were separated, and I was terrified. She put me in... something like a box. I had to crawl and crawl, even if it was endless. Even as my senses faded one by one, and my identity went numb. Even when I knew nothing, and found nothing, I had to keep moving. If Julius hadn't come saved me...
[A hard shudder ripples through her.]
I don't want to believe there's any benefit to losing any part of yourself. But maybe I'm biased, since I'm so much newer than you. I have less to lose. ...but, no matter what, you're always yourself, right? You might not be able to forget something, but you can reorder your priorities however you please. That's just my opinion, though.
no subject
[So asking her to forget was like asking to erase what little she already had. Certainly it made sense for her to answer that way. Frankly, for all the danger she put herself in, and for how troublesome she could be, she possessed a remarkably straightforward system of logic. He almost envied her, that she could answer so clearly and without hesitation.
But isn't that how he should be, too? It's true. He has no reason to doubt himself. Apparently even beings who can't forget needed reminders on occasion.]
Do not worry, Hakuno. I will not let you lose anything more.
[He reaches forward, for her face...]
Except your clothes. Those you could stand to lose more frequently.
[...and gives it a squeeze.]
no subject
She doesn't say it, of course. He doesn't need to know that if her talk with him had backfired, Rin would have written Hakuno off with him. The matter is settled, and her confidence paid off. That's the only thing that really matters now. They have weathered that storm, so she just needs to focus on preparing for the next one, whatever shape it might take. He's an unpredictable man, yes, but his capriciousness comes with an edge she always needs to be on the lookout for.
Not for her own sake, naturally, because she still has the protection of his promise. But for the sake of whoever might be in the resulting blast zone.]
Leggo. I li' m'clothes.
no subject
But Gilgamesh appears the pinnacle of gentleness before her now. He takes loose hold of her collar and drags them both together and under the covers. He's naked and she's underdressed but somehow there's nothing inappropriate about it. He just embraces her, as a man embraces his woman.]
Rest, child. The world and all its wonders shall await you tomorrow.
[And at last, he could fulfill a different promise, to remain at her side as she slept.]
no subject
s a reason she had promised to resolve the issue and leave Gilgamesh with a lasting impression, rather than remorseful. Changing Gilgamesh's mind—fully, at least—is like trying to reroute a raging river with a twig. No matter how mellow he might seem to have gotten here, it's little more than wrapping a razorblades in cotton. It's fine to be a little careless, but getting hurt is never entirely out of the question.
She doesn't fight his literal manhandling, all the same, and even nestles a bit closer to maximize her comfort. He's held her like this once before, but in the body of a woman—it's different, being held like this. Not in a bad way, or uncomfortably so, though, so she resolves to think on it later.]
...mmhm. It always is, these days. S'nice.